Reeling under a barrage of bad press and arrests of dozens of bookies suspected of spot-fixing across Indian cities, the Bookie Association of India (BAI), the nodal body catering to the interests of bookies, spotfixers and sundry cricket enthusiasts, has attempted to regain lost ground and shore up its public standing by promising to fix international fixtures in India’s favour in the upcoming Champion’s Trophy.
“Cut us some slack, guys,” pleaded BAI President, Bada Shakeel, a Mumbai based betting kingpin, at a press conference, “when not making a living through betting, like any other Indian cricket fan, we also crave for a MSD helicopter shot, a rasping Kohli cover drive, topped off by an Indian win in international matches.”
Shakeel vehemently disagreed with the notion that bookies have undermined the game’s image and that of IPL. “Dude, who takes IPL seriously anyway, man? People just want mindless slogging interspersed with slo-mo visuals of busty cheerleaders spraying Pepsi on the screen. If anything, we did our bit to enhance the fare on display by ensuring 14 run overs,” countered Shakeel. “We have not only enriched cricket but also cricket commentary. Ravi Shastri has personally thanked us for adding new clichés to his repertoire – ‘all kinds of results are possible at this stage of the game’ and “this is a game of inglorious certainties’,” he added.
The BAI President said this time around they not only try and make India win but also profit from it. “We are trying to get in touch with key West Indian, Pakistani and South African players to fix matches in India’s favour. Nothing will give us more joy than to have India defeat these teams, especially Pakistan, in the knockout stages of the Champion’s Trophy,” claimed Shakeel. “Wouldn’t it be awesome if Gayle taps an Ishant Sharma failed Yorker turned full toss back to the bowler or Dale Steyn bowls in a manner that brings tears to the eyes of Venkatesh Prasad? Well, we are working on those scenarios and we request Indian fans to be patient and have faith in us,” he said.