In the wake of the Chief Information Commissioner declaring political parties to be public bodies that fall under the ambit of the Right to Information Act, the Congress, BJP and other national parties have received a barrage of inconvenient RTI queries pertaining to their internal functioning from civil society groups. Our civil society correspondent, P N Bargavi, collated the responses for public dissemination:
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress Party: What did Dr. Manmohan Singh say during the recent CWC meeting?
Response: That was an easy one. He said nothing. Look forward to more such queries.
RTI Query to Information Officer, BJP: Who is the Prime Ministerial candidate of your party?
Response 1: Narendra Modi is the current front runner. The party will discuss and announce.
Response 2: Shivraj Singh Chauhan is very humble and unlike Modi, turned around a weak state. He reminds us of Atal Bihari Vajpayee. The party will discuss and announce.
Response 3: If Shri Advani ji is ready, then there is no better leader to take us forward. The party will discuss and announce.
Response 4: Madam, please ignore the earlier responses. it will not be possible to furnish a reply to this query within the stipulated 30 day time-period.
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: Mrs. Gandhi, how do you explain Robert Vadra’s name coming up in all these land related scams?
Response: Oh, he’s a land enthusiast.
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: What do Congress leaders really think about Rahul Gandhi?
Response: Irrelevant.
RTI Query to Information Officer, BSP: Madam Mayawati, what is the cost incurred to the exchequer because of your statues?
Response: Unfair! I am being questioned because I am a Dalit!
RTI Query to Information Officer, Janata Party: What is the Janata Party’s next strategy, Dr.Swamy?
Response: Get TDK, PC, Buddhu, BC to TJ
RTI Query to Information Officer, Janata Party: What do the abbreviations in your last reply stand for, Dr. Swamy?
Response: Ask any PT, he’ll tell you
RTI Query to Information Officer, Janata Party: What does PT stand for, Dr.Swamy?
Response: You’re a Buddhu!
RTI Query to Information Officer, AIADMK: Why is the TN Govt so intolerant of criticism, Dr.Jaya?
Response: You’ve been issued an arrest warrant.
RTI Query to Information Officer, TMC: Why has your govt come in under a lot of criticism, Ms.Bannerjee?
Response: That is a Maoist RTI! I cannot reply the Maoist RTI!
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: What do you think are the main challenges of today’s MPs, Mr.Tharoor?
Response: Well, I condone the indoctrination of neo-politics being bifurcating in its constitutionality.
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: Do you think the ban on comedy central is justified, Mr.Tewari?
Response: I suggest you introspect and put across the RTI in a more holistic manner
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: How does the PM plan to improve growth and raise GDP?
Response: If we all work hard, we can achieve high growth. Theek Hai?
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY DENTED AND PAINTED WOMEN, MR. MUKHERJEE??
Response: Ui maa! I have withdrawn my statement and applosized. So I think the RTI should end there.
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: What did Rajeev Shukla whisper in the speaker’s ears?
Response: Actually I esaid bhai esaab, kya aap ke paas chlormint hai, then he adjourned the house and esaid ..dobaara mat poochna
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: What changes did Ashwani Kumar make in the CBI report adressed to him?
Response: *addressed
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: When does the party plan to get back money from Swiss accounts?
Response: I’ll order an enquiry. I’ll order an enquiry. The Swiss Bank account numbers of our leaders are
Sonia Gandhi: 23543264
Sonia Gandhi: 23543264
Rahul Gandhi: 6426426
Rahul Gandhi: 6426426
RTI Query to Information Officer, DMK: What has the DMK achieved during its tenure, Kalaignare?
Response: Good question thambi… I’ll give you a mixer-grinder for this
RTI Query to Information Officer, Congress: Mr. Rahul Gandhi, what is your vision for accelerating inclusive growth for the next 5 years?
Response: Let me put this RTI query right back at you; what is YOUR vision for accelerating inclusive growth for the next 5 years?
RTI Query to Information Officer, Samajwadi Party: Sir, When is Mulayam Singh Yadav likely to withdraw support to UPA?
Response: Madam, the answer to that lies in the solution to the following time dependent Schrodinger’s equation, where psi is the wave function of Mulayamji’s neural activity depending on time and space, and H is the Hamiltonian, taking the interactions between Mulayam’s neurons into account along with other random elements in his brain.
Caveat: Due to the high dimension of Psi, the equation exhibits prohibitively high computational complexity and cannot be solved even using parallel processing techniques and supercomputers.
(With inputs from Ashwin Kumar)