With onion prices zooming into the stratosphere, RBI governor Dr Raghuram Rajan has taken swift and decisive action by raising interest rates by over 2000 basis points. “Normally I wouldn’t have raised interest rates this much but onions at Rs.100/kg is simply ridiculous, man,” thundered Dr. Rajan, who discovered things for himself the hard way when he went to do some grocery shopping on the way to the RBI office in Mint Street. “I tried haggling with the mandi wala but he told me that this year’s crop had been affected due to heavy rains in Nashik and that his hands were tried. That’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands,” Dr. Rajan told The Unreal Times.
Later, Dr. Rajan mulled increasing interest rates by another 500 basis points after #Onion became the top trend and a flurry of #Onion related tweet-PJs flooded the popular micro-blogging site. “Those jokes were worse than the rise in prices itself and if they don’t subside, I will be forced to further jack up interest rates,” he warned. Raising interest rates is considered a very blunt instrument to check inflation, especially price spikes in specific commodities, akin to using a sledgehammer to kill a mosquito, but there is broad consensus that ‘desperate times call for desperate measures’ among economists, pundits, columnists, policy makers and just about anyone who claims to understand how the economy works. Dr. Rajan’s actions have turned him overnight into a hero, with Mumbaikars thronging to the RBI headquarters to fete the premier economic administrator. Dr. Rajan’s giant size cardboard cut-outs have also mushroomed across the maximum city.
The RBI’s hawkish no-nonsense anti-inflationary stance has however spooked the Center with Finance Minister Chidambaram promising that his government will do whatever it can to improve the supply of onions. “Exhorting farmers to harvest more onions, reducing storage and supply losses, even kidnapping and bringing Graham Onions to India, we’ll do whatever it takes to tide over this crisis. Please don’t raise interest rates further,” Chidambaram beseeched the RBI governor.
In related news, Bappi Lahiri was spotted at a public function sporting an onion garland in place of his trademark gold chains. “Well, given their sky-high prices, onions are the in-thing. So I’ve sold my entire gold collection to buy three tonnes of onions,” the talented music composer told The UnReal Times.