(Image via indiatoday.com)
Post its electoral defeat, the Congress party went into introspection mode. Which means Rahul Gandhi took off to Europe to figure out what went wrong while getting a sun-tan at a beach on the Mediterranean coast, while Sonia Gandhi retired to her room to watch re-runs of The Godfather.
The rest of the Congress leadership decided to meet and talk, one after the other, on how Rahul Gandhi would revive the Congress party. The meeting was moderated by senior Congress leader and protem speaker Kamal Nath, and when this Unreal Times correspondent sneaked in, several leaders had already completed their turn.
“Thank you Mani, that was good. Next in the list, to talk about this subject is…” Kamal Nath looked at his notepad, “…Ajay Maken! Come on up, Ajay. Let’s see if you are able to overshadow Mani.”
Mani Shankar Aiyar snorted, as he accepted a cup of tea offered by an attendant. “The day a Hansraj college graduate beats a Stephanian, snowballs will roll into hell, pigs will fly and chaiwalas will rule the country,” he said with disdain.
The attendant raised an eyebrow.
“Um.. scratch the last one,” mumbled Mani, looking away.
“All right, guys. Enough chit chat,” Kamal Nath clapped over the noise. “Let’s listen to Ajay.”
Ajay Maken stood up, walked to the stage, adjusted the microphone and cleared his throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen, as we all know, the Congress party has suffered its worst ever defeat. These are truly dark times for the party, but it’s from the ashes that the phoenix rises. And I believe Rahul Gandhi is the man to take us to new heights. Rahul Gandhi is not a man who focuses all his energies on the next state assembly election or the odd Lok Sabha election.”
Maken transferred his weight, drew in a breath as if to collect himself, and continued. “No. Rahul is a visionary. His time frame for our nation’s economic and social development is not less than 20 years. He has already set his grand plan in motion. He will build the party from the base up. He will motivate the cadre. He will imbue the party with democratic processes. He will.. he will…BWAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s it guys. I can’t do it anymore!” said Maken, doubling over with laughter. A second later, he toppled over and rolled on the floor, holding his sides and giggling uncontrollably.
For a second there was silence as the assembled leaders gawked at Maken. Then Kamal Nath screamed, “2 minutes and 45 seconds! That’s unprecedented! Folks, Ajay Maken now holds the record for the longest poker-faced speech about Rahul Gandhi reviving the Congress party.”
The room burst into thunderous applause. Several leaders rose to their feet and clapped vigorously.
“Can’t believe he took it that far!” said one awestruck leader.
“Seriously man. These days, I start laughing the moment I start mouthing the word Rahul! God knows how he managed almost 3 minutes,” replied the leader standing next to him.
When the room had calmed down and Maken had returned to his seat after accepting numerous backslaps and handshakes, Kamal Nath pulled on his reading glasses and turned to his notepad again.
“Okay, let’s see who’s next…”
“Me!” cried Sanjay Jha from one of the back rows, jumping up and down.
“I told you Jha, you’re not playing.”
“But why?” Jha whined.
“Because you’ll win every time.”
The others nodded in unison.
Kamal Nath shut his notepad and peered over his glasses at Manish Tewari. “You are up, Manish. Remember the rules. Stay on the subject. And no cheating by using fancy unrelated words,” he wagged his finger, as Manish made his way to the stage. “Let’s see if you can beat Ajay’s record…”