(Image via aplive.net)
The world’s sole superpower, United States of America, declared war on Andhra CM Chandrababu Naidu’s residence yesterday for reasons that are as yet unknown. Early on Monday, in the wee hours of the morning, two stealth Black Hawks descended on Naidu’s Jubilee Hills residence, and over two dozen US Navy SEALS fast-roped down to the terrace. In the next 30 minutes, the Navy SEALS neutralized the sparse security detail in the compound, took control of the building, brought down Chandrababu Naidu as the head of the household, and installed Mrs. Naidu in his place.
“My fellow citizens,” said President Obama in his short address to the nation, hours after the invasion. “At this hour, on my command, American forces have begun to strike at selected targets of military importance in Naidu’s compound. We have no ambition in Naidu’s home except to remove a dictator and restore control of his household to its own people. We will bring freedom and we will prevail. God bless America!”
Curiously, the incident coincided with pictures of Naidu’s ‘Arab’ get-up from an Iftar Party in Hyderabad he attended earlier that evening, going viral on Facebook and Twitter. This has led geopolitical analysts to conclude that the invasion was to allow large US oil companies such as ExxonMobil and Shell access to the oil wells that Naidu presumably owns.
“Of course this is about oil! I mean, look at that Naidu guy. Why else would a man dress up like that? He’s a fricking Arab!” declared General John Hastings, former head of US Central Command and Military Operations in Iraq, and added, “We’ve been through this in Iraq. The US government will not stop until he provides its oil companies access to his oil wells.”
The development resulted in another disruption in Lok Sahba on Tuesday. Opposition MPs termed the invasion an extension of the Zionist atrocities on the Arabs and stormed to the well of the House demanding a resolution condemning the US actions. Not surprisingly, the government turned down the demand. “We have strategic relations with both the United States and the ‘Arab’ in question, that cannot be overlooked,” said Union Minister Venkaiah Naidu.
The confusion was eventually cleared after Prime Minister spoke on the phone with President Obama and assured him that Naidu was merely a pseudo-secularist and does not own an oil well. Modi followed it up by sending over a beautiful shawl for Michelle Obama, after which US forces promptly returned to their base in Thailand.
Speaking on the issue to The UnReal Times, the master of secularism, Nitish Kumar, had words of scorn for the Andhra CM. “Bloody novice!” the former Bihar CM spat. “Practicing token secularism is a delicate art. Do it too little, you fail to communicate the meaning. Do it too much, you end up making a fool of yourself,” Kumar added sagely.