Image via dnaindia.com
As part of a radical image overhaul and last ditch attempt to revive the sagging political fortunes of India’s grand old party, Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi has rechristened himself as Rahul Nehru. “We felt we could milk the Nehru 125th birth anniversary thing a bit more,” disclosed chief party strategist, Jairam Ramesh. “So I asked Rahul baba how he felt about rebranding himself as Rahul Nehru to drive home the point that the Congress is fully committed to Nehru’s secular vision. Needless to say, he jumped at it,” Jairam added.
The proposal was heartily seconded by Chidambaram. “Many people in the party were calling me a Quisling when I had hinted that a non-Gandhi could lead the party. Well, this is what I meant, bozos. If not a Gandhi, then let it be a Nehru. Let no one ever doubt my loyalty to the first family,” the former Finance Minister said with a lump in his throat.
There were some apprehensions about going in for the Nehru surname considering for every park, canal, stadium or bridge named after Nehru, there are ten counterparts named after one of the Gandhis. However, with the Gandhi surname now actually leading to loss of votes, the rank and file has given its assent to the proposal to rebrand the first family. “In any case, Narendra Modi regards Mahatma Gandhi as one of his favorite leaders and he seems to be emulating Indiraji too in the way he controls his party. So we don’t want to have anything to do with the Gandhi surname anymore,” a leader said.
Party apparatchiks are now at work to showcase similarities between India’s first Prime Minister and the Nehru-Gandhi scion. “Both made frequent trips to Europe, both were hailed as youth icons. If the former wrote the Discovery of India, the latter has been on an unending discovery of India through his padyatras. One loved kids, the other is a kid at heart,” a smiling Diggy said, tongue firmly in cheek.
Mani Shankar Aiyar was also beside himself with joy. “This is just like the Congress of British India,” he exclaimed. “Then, as Subhas Chandra Bose pointed out, the party was run by the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost (Motilal Nehru, Jawaharlal Nehru and Mahatma Gandhi). Now it is run by the Mother, the Son and the Silent Ghost,” Mani added, crossing himself.