When an ordinary person gets trapped in an elevator, he/she presses the red button if there’s one, or calls someone he/she knows to arrange for rescue. Then he/she waits patiently, perhaps with a hint of anxiety, until the rescue team arrives and gets him/her out. Now how might our celebrities respond if they happen to get trapped in an elevator? (Click here for Part I and Part II in this series)
Manohar Lal Khattar
The understated Haryana CM waits patiently as the rescue team pries open the elevator doors and gets him out. As he walks out of the elevator, cameras clicking away all around him, Sagarika Ghose shoves a mike in Khattar’s face and asks, “Sir you are the first non-Jat CM to be trapped in an elevator. How does it feel?”
K Chandrashekar Rao
Soon after KCR gets trapped in the elevator, his party TRS takes to the streets alleging that this is a grand conspiracy by Chandra Babu Naidu who is jealous of the KCR’s good governance. TRS issues a call for a bandh and million march on the iconic Tank Bund bridge. Stray incidents of stone pelting are reported in Osmania University.
Speaking to media outlets on his phone from the elevator, KCR, in another inspired bout of rhetoric, says that he is ready to be a Hitler to those who do not maintain elevators properly and threatened to break the neck of the lift operator. Worried that TV9 and ABN Andhrajyoti might make fun of this incident, cable operators immediately black out the two channels.
Eventually, the elevator gets repaired, KCR walks out and promptly announces 5 lakh each as compensation to the rest of the people stuck in the elevator along with him.
Amit Shah
One moment the elevator is smoothly purring along. The next moment it lurches to a stop, drawing gasps from its occupants, and throwing them off-balance. Anxiety slowly sets in, as occupants realize that the lift is stuck and wouldn’t open.
Amit Shah, however, is completely unperturbed. He coolly walks out of the other elevator, nodding to the rescue team he’d called 15 minutes earlier when he’d received information that the lift will get struck.
Tarun Tejpal
Minutes after the elevator lurches to the stop, Tarun Tejpal presses the panic button and calls for rescue. A team rushes to the building immediately, only it isn’t the rescue team but the Goa police. They wedge the elevator doors open, and haul Tejpal away.
Arnab Goswami
Screeeech!
The lift comes to a halt.
For a second…just one second, Arnab is silent. Then his eyes and skin take on a shade of green, his jaw gets set and a maniacal gleam enters his eyes.
“Did you just get stuck, Mister elevator?” Arnab asks in a low growl, dripping with menace.
The elevator obviously doesn’t respond. The green in Arnab’s eyes turns brighter. With Newshour’s soundtrack playing in his mind, he launches into his opening tirade.
“GOOD EVENING. TONIGHT I HAVE FIVE QUESTIONS FOR MISTER ELEVATOR!”
“QUESTION 1. WHY DID YOU TRAP AN HONEST TAXPAYER IN YOUR CLUTCHES?”
“QUESTION 2. WHY DO YOU OPEN YOUR DOORS FOR POWERFUL POLITICIANS, BUT NOT FOR THE ORDINARY TAXPAYER. WHY THIS HYPOCRISY, MISTER ELEVATOR?”
The elevator’s doors now begin to quiver ever so slightly. Arnab pulls a sheaf of papers from his jacket pocket and waves them threateningly.
“QUESTION 3. I HAVE DOCUMENTS THAT SHOW THAT MAINTENANCE PAYS RS. 5 LAKHS EVERY YEAR ON YOU, MISTER ELEVATOR? WHERE IS THE ACCOUNTABILITY?”
“QUESTION 4. DID YOU NOT FUNCTION WELL DURING CONGRESS-NCP GOVERNMENT, MISTER ELEVATOR? WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS POLITICAL? THE NATION DEMANDS TO KNOW, MISTER ELEVATOR!”
The elevator’s doors are now rattling uncontrollably. Arnab goes for the kill.
“QUESTION 5. ARE YOU TRYING TO DODGE MY QUESTION, MISTER ELEVATOR?”
Suddenly, the elevator’s doors fly outwards with a loud crack, along with part of the wall. Arnab steps through the yawning opening, adjusts his tie and says, “That’s it for tonight on your channel, ladies and gentlemen. See you tomorrow. Good night.”
Meanwhile, a tweet goes up from Times Now’s official Twitter handle: “TIMES NOW IMPACT: Mumbai buildings renovate their elevators after Times Now report”
(With inputs from Ajayendar Reddy)