(Image via deccanchronicle.com)
Bearer of Christmas gifts, the legendary Saint Nicholas, better known to children, adults and Ashutosh as Santa Claus, has been missing since yesterday. The portly white-bearded man was last seen climbing down the chimney of a house that, as it turned out later, happened to be the venue of a secret ghar wapsi session by a fringe Hindu group.
According to other ghar-wapsiites in the room, the organizers were handing out cups of Ganga water around the room, when suddenly, a pair of legs in red trousers scraped down the chimney. “A fat man in red clothes jumped out and exclaimed Ho Ho Ho. For a few seconds we all stared cluelessly at him, including the organizers. Then the fat man said ‘Merry Christmas’ upon which three hefty saffron clad guys walked up to him, smiled and said that they’ll give him a ration card, roti and kapda,” said Betul Kalaste, a tribal from Allahabad district.
A few splashes of Ganga jal and a yagna later, Sant Kailash was wishing everyone Merry Good Governance Day instead of Merry Christmas, and singing Dil mein baji ghanti instead of Jingle Bells.
“Sant Kailash is our brother who’d lost his way and had his belongings stolen by evil forces, because of which he was forced to travel on reindeer and sneak into people’s homes,” said one of the organizers of the Hindu group. “He has now been brought back to the right path.”
Needless to say, secular leaders are extremely outraged about this development. Opposition MPs demanded that the PM hold a special session of Rajya Sabha to debate this issue, and after Modi acquiesced to the demand, proceeded to disrupt it within 5 minutes.
Particularly severe on the government was a livid Rahul Gandhi, whose bungalow on Tughlaq lane was reportedly next on Santa’s route before he was kidnapped. Watching Rahul storm into the well of the Parliament and thunder at the treasury benches, an awestruck Congress MP said, “Next to mummy Sonia ji, Santa ji is Rahul baba’s favourite person. BJP made a big mistake by denying him his Christmas gifts. This might just be what is required to wake him up and lead the revival of the Congress party.”
(Based on a comment by Uday)