The D-day had come. President Obama was flying in. News anchors across media houses got up early, showered, put on their make up and drove to their offices. Reporters brushed up on their “Body Language for dummies” basics and occupied their respective vantage points. Bhakts, AAPtards, Libtards and various other groups that make up Twitter logged into their respective accounts.
Even Arvind Kejriwal took a break from AAP stuff, sat back on the sofa in his living room, looked left and right to see if anyone was watching, then pulled out a bucket of KFC popcorn chicken from behind the sofa, switched on the news and began munching away.
Cameras then moved to the Palam airport in Delhi, where journalists stood jostling with each other, save one notable exception – Indian security agencies had acceded to US request to keep Rajdeep Sardesai away from President Obama for security reasons. There was however, a certain group of individuals:
JUST IN: US security cordon at the airport keep out 65 ex MPs from trying to talk to Obama
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
Then the big man landed. PM Modi in his colourful kurta strode towards the US President and enveloped him in a bear hug.
“Sab mile huen hai ji,” mutters a sullen Kejriwal to himself, after coming across pics of Modi and Obama hugging each other
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
News anchors across the board went aww, as the two leaders bonded, before Secret Service agents, perhaps goaded by Michelle, urged Obama into his ride, the Beast.
Then came the magical moment that made every Delhiite’s jaw drop right through the floor.
Delhiites awestruck as Obama gets to Maurya without jam at Dhaula Kuan. That’s every Delhiite’s dream. #ObamaInIndia
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
By the time Obama reached Rashtrapati Bhavan, PM Modi had already changed into a dapper sherwani faster than a Bollywood actress in a song, and was waiting alongside President Pranab Mukherjee and various ministers from his cabinet. Obama waltzed in, received the 21 gun salute and the inter-service guard of honour led by Wing Commander Pooja Thakur, then walked straight towards Pranab Mukherjee.
Obama to Pranab: “Sir, I have come all the way from the US to hear your world famous ‘Mei’. Will you say that once for me?” #ObamaInIndia
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
The US premier then planted a sapling at Rajghat (How the hell is there still space in Rajghat after all the sapling planting by visiting leaders over the decades? Is some Monkeyman uprooting the saplings?) the two leaders moved to the Hyderabad House for lunch, and a casual stroll out in the lawns after that.
Mrs Nawaz Sharif walks into the hall where Sharif is watching TV, sniffs the air and says, “Kuch jalne ki boo aa rahi hai na?” #ObamaInIndia
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
There was the odd disturbance during the bonhomie, but nothing Modi couldn’t handle.
Just when Siddharth Varadarajan and other Modi haters were frothing at the mouth to unleash the “All symbolism and no substance” punch lines they had memorised ad nauseum, the two leaders disappeared back into the Hyderabad House’s conference room for bilateral talks on the civil nuclear deal, investment, climate change and defense cooperation that included technology transfer and joint development of a variety of systems including drones.
Not sure why we need the US to give us drone technology. Didn’t that kid from IIN make a talking drone without proper formal education?
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
Minutes ticked by, as the session extended to well beyond the allotted time period. The media waited restlessly in the media interaction room.
Everyone waiting anxiously for Modi & Obama to emerge, like anxious parents wait for boy & girl while they talk in the other room
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
The leaders still wouldn’t come out…
JUST IN: The reason the joint statement is delayed is because Obama is having his palm read by Smriti Irani’s astrologer
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
The MEA spokesperson popped out briefly to give a status update to the waiting journos:
MEA Spokesperson: “Please be patient. The two leaders will emerge the moment Prime Minister Modi coins an appropriate Acronym”
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
And then, the two charismatic premiers strode out and took their respective positions behind the podium for the joint statement. PM Modi went first, and in a masterful display of mugging, reeled off several pages of the Indian statement. President Obama followed, matching Modi word for word, and displaying his own mugging skills with a few crisp Hindi phrases.
Obama may already know more Hindi than Karunandhi #ObamaInIndia
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
It was then the turn of the journalists to ask the two leaders a question each. The American journalist, acting in typical fashion, completely ignored the event and asked Obama a question on Ukraine and Russia. The Indian journalist, again acting in typical fashion, asked Modi what was the secret behind his friendship with Obama.
Modi laid bare his heart. He revealed that he and Barack often ring each other up and talk shop, cracking jokes on Xi Jinping and Nawaz Sharif (Okay, he didn’t take those names). Obama said that they discovered in one of their late night calls that Modi actually gets fewer hours of sleep than him.
Lucky for Obama that Kejriwal isn’t a Republican in US. Otherwise he’d have labelled him corrupt because he sleeps more than the Indian PM
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
The bromance rose in a crescendo and culminated in another bear hug.
Meanwhile, Abe Shinzo is reportedly listening to Japanese version of “Tum to thehre pardesai, saath kya nibhaoge…”
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
After the heavy display of bromance by Modi and Obama, Michelle Obama stares at Modi and mutters to her husband, “I don’t trust this guy”
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
The two then formalized their relationship…
JUST IN: PM Modi and President Obama are tying friendship bands on each other’s wrists
— The UnReal Times (@TheUnRealTimes) January 25, 2015
and walked away chattering with each other, oblivious to the clicking mediapersons.
Meanwhile in Islamabad…
(With inputs from Ajayendar Reddy)