(Image via news.nationalpost.com)
Barack Obama’s casual use of SRK’s “Senorita, bade bade deshon mein…” dialogue from Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge in his address at the Siri Fort auditorium has left Salman Khan’s legion of fans rattled, dumbfounded and in some cases utterly devastated.
“Why did he have to choose that gay guy’s punchline over bhai’s?” wailed a self-confessed ‘Salmaniac’. “Bhai is also a Muslim. Bhai is also a superstar. And bhai has far more and far better punchlines than SRgay! Oh why! Why! Why! Why?”
“What a nightmare this is,” said another Salman fan, wiping his brow with the sleeve of his Being Human T-shirt. “We got badly humped on Twitter by SRGay’s fans today. We had no answer to their trend ‘SRK pride of India’. We tried to recoup and trend #SwachhBharatWithSalman in response, but it was so bloody lame, with zero conviction behind it.”
Later in the day, Salman’s fans held a massive virtual meeting, wherein they discussed possible retaliatory measures to tackle the development. Some suggested that Salman get back at Obama by driving around White House. Some others suggested letter-bombing Obama with DVDs of movies such as Veer and Yuvvraaj. However, most ideas were reluctantly discarded once the President’s Secret Service was taken into account.
Eventually, it was decided to approach another world leader to endorse Salman Khan by spouting some of his legendary punchlines. All Salmaniacs unanimously agreed on Russian President Vladimir Putin.
“Vladimir Putin is the bad boy of world politics. He goes topless at the slightest excuse, likes to shoot endangered species, runs over hapless countries, and hates Obama. He is simply the perfect choice,” raved another Salman fan, who confirmed that the proposal has already been accepted by Moscow.
According to sources, late on Tuesday night, when Obama rang up Putin demanding that he stop his nefarious activities in Ukraine, Putin shot back, “Ek baar jo mene commitment kar di, uske baad to mein khud ki bhi nahi sunta!” When an irked Obama warned of further sanctions on Russia, Putin scoffed, “Mujhpe ek ehsaan karna ki mujhpe koi ehsaan na karna,” and slammed the phone down.