Image via The Hindu
NASA recently announced that it has discovered evidence of “liquid briny water” flowing on neighboring Mars. While the rest of the world received the news with equanimity, even faint bemusement, in Chennai it has triggered wild celebrations on an unprecedented scale. From the crowded by-lanes of Triplicane to the posh neighbourhoods of Adyar, the average, knowledgeable Chennaiite is agog with excitement.
What are the reasons such unusual levels of exhilaration? First, let’s get one trope out of the way. Chennaiites are known to be extremely knowledgeable. They are so smart that Chennai was known to be a smart city even before the term ‘smart city’ came into vogue. When not on top of the Carnatic music scene, knowledge hungry Chennaiites eagerly devour developments in the world of science, mathematics, space exploration, numismatics, archaeology, philately… the list is endless. They are foodies of knowledge.
The Hindu and its sister publication, Frontline, also play their part in keeping Chennaites abreast of exciting developments such as discovery of Pallava era coins from the 7th century CE in Gummidipundi. And so, the scientific implications of a seminal discovery such as presence of water on Mars in not lost on the average Chennaiite.
Now moving on to the more pertinent reason. Chennai has been a perennially water starved smart city ever since Francis Day laid its foundation stone in the 17th century and declared it would be the fourth most happening Indian city after Mumbai, Kolkata and Delhi (Bengaluru was nowhere on the scene then). Now, being knowledgeable and all (this cannot be overstated enough), Chennaiites immediately realized that they would be perennially short on water and have since been exploring innovative and smart ways to secure the city’s water supply lines.
“Rain water harvesting, cloud seeding, desalination….we have tried them all, boss,” Chennai Metro Water Supply and Sewerage Board (CMWSSB) head, R Thangavelu, told The UnReal Times. “Even recycling water from the Buckingham canal. But being eternally water stressed and knowledgeable seem to go hand in hand for us.”
And so, any news of discovery of water in a neighborhood, even Mars, is met with cheer by Chennai authorities. “Getting water from Mars seems doable, thambi,” Thangavelu said. “At least more doable than reliable water supply from the Telugu-Ganga canal.”
But what about the daunting logistics? “Amma’s govt has already started designing the Ammacraft to ferry between Mars and Chennai,” Thangavelu said. “Designing and launching a Mars explorer will be a piece of cake for Amma’s govt, paa. Thanks to Amma’s vision and leadership, we have cracked FMCG with Amma canteens and Amma water. We then moved into high end design and manufacturing with the Ammaphone – the smart phone for really smart people of Chennai. Twice as jazzy as Apple’s iPhone at quarter the cost. We will be launching the Ammazon e-commerce portal also for people to order Amma brands on the go. So ISRO, NASA, watch out, Amma will soon launch the mother amma of all inventions.”
Last mile delivery will be done the traditional, Chennai way, of course – as soon as the Ammacraft docks, water tankers will fan out to different parts of the water starved city to service water stressed households. So here’s to the people of Chennai soon sipping liquid, briny Martian H20 and being a little less water stressed.