Normally, the Vatican handles claims of incipient miracles with skepticism but had no hesitation whatsoever in declaring the Shiv Sena’s robust defense of SRK from attacks by BJP right wing elements as the ‘miracle of the decade’.
“We usually thoroughly investigate such claims before jumping to conclusions,” Pope Francis told The UnReal Times, “but this time we had no hesitation whatsoever. Shiva Sena saying Shah Rukh should not be targeted only because he is a Muslim and that the minority community in India is tolerant. Phew! If that’s not a miracle, tell me what is.”
“At first I couldn’t believe the headlines,” the Holy Father continued. “I checked whether it was an UnReal article or something along those lines but it wasn’t!! Then I looked up, crossed myself, and did what needed to be done by declaring the Sena’s new found sensitivity and grace as the miracle of the decade. Now look, I’ve witnessed and certified some fancy events in my lifetime but I’m truly blessed to witness something as incredible as this.”
A vigorous debate is raging within the Vatican on whether the Sena’s stance should be declared as not just the miracle of the decade but the miracle of the century and even the miracle of the millennium. “It’s definitely up there with miracles like the Marian Apparition in Zeitoun, the weeping Mary of Akita and the stigmata of Padre Pio. We are truly blessed to have witnessed this in our lifetime,” Pope Francis said.
Shiv Sena spokesperson Sanjay Raut confirmed that what they said was indeed a miracle. “Even we are stunned by what we did. It is an aberration, a statistical freak outlier,” Raut said. “However, being a freak one in a billion event, there is no chance of a repeat. Don’t worry, we’ll be back to our old ways,” he assured the public.