(Image via intoday.in)
A 40-foot long whale washes ashore dead on Mumbai’s Juhu beach. A huge crowd gathers around the dead whale. Before long, reporters and camera persons land on the scene, and within hours, the whale’s death is on every national TV channel.
And then come the politicians.
First on the scene is Arvind Kejriwal wearing a torn sweater, an unflattering pair of three day old pants, and a scraggly looking muffler. Accompanied by his entourage of topi sporting supporters, he inspects the carcass with a sullen expression on his face, and then makes straight for the waiting media persons.
“This whale did not get washed ashore. It was murdered and dragged ashore by the apathy of the Modi government,” he hollers. “This is a murder of democracy. Prime Minister Modi must apologize to the nation!”
Kejriwal also demands the resignation of Union Cabinet Minister for Road, Transport and Shipping, Nitin Gadkari and Union Cabinet Minister for Water Resources, Uma Bharti – in other words the Minister of every sector that has something to do with sea water.
AAP leader, The Ashutosh, adds Union Cabinet Minister for Drinking Water and Sanitation, Chaudhary Birender Singh to this list and demands everyone’s resignation, as well as Modi’s answer on the matter.
Meanwhile, incensed that Kejriwal beat them to it, Congress high command immediately sends Rahul Gandhi along with a galaxy of Congress leaders to take up the issue. Rahul Gandhi steps it up a notch, sits on the sand at Juhu beach and goes on a day long hunger strike.
“PM Modi is trying to crush the spirit of Indian whales by imposing one idea from the top,” he tells media persons, and adds, “Gandhi spent his entire life searching for truth. He was killed by forces who did not want to hear what the truth was. The exact same thing was done to this whale.”
Several other leaders visit Juhu beach and take potshots at the Modi government for the death of the whale. Nitish Kumar blames the atmosphere of political intolerance for the whale’s death. His guiding angel Lalu Prasad Yadav says that the whale’s death exposed the real character of the BJP and the RSS. The media do their bit by holding two dozen cockfights masked as debates on prime time TV every night.
Three days after the whale washed ashore, Prime Minister Modi, at a convocation address in a top marine engineering college, sniffs, and says that Mother India has lost a son, and that he feels the pain.
On cue, other BJP leaders hit back at their political opponents.
“Congress and communist parties are politicizing this, blatantly forgetting that nine such whales washed ashore during the UPA rule, one of which was a blue whale. This is part of their anti-Modi campaign across the country,” Venkaiah Naidu tells reporters.
“Why did Rahul Gandhi not visit Chennai where an Indo-Pacific humpback dolphin had washed ashore yesterday? Is it because it’s not a votebank?” demands a BJP spokesperson.
The government orders a judicial probe into the issue, and also an investigation into whether the whale was actually a whale…
“Enough!” said Willie the whale.
“What? You were the one who asked how it would be if whales could vote,” said Joy the dolphin.
“Yeah, yeah, lesson learnt. It’s a good thing whales don’t vote.”
“Word.”
The two sea mammals swished their powerful tails and swam away.