In a development that would be deemed bizarre in any other part of the world but might not raise even an eyebrow in Pakistan, Major Asif Mir, an army officer in Rawalpindi, accused his wife of being an agent of the Indian spy agency, Research and Analysis Wing, after the subzi in his dinner tasted particularly bland.
Within hours, technicians from the army’s in-house video agency hurried over to the army officer’s house and spent all night taking a video ‘confession’ from the terrified woman, after which they cropped and stitched together various segments of the footage.
At 10 am on the following day, Pakistan’s Chief of Army Staff, General Raheel Sharif, called for a press conference and released the edited video to members of Pakistan’s media.
“An Indian spy by the name Beena devi was arrested by military intelligence officers last night. She was carrying an Indian passport issued in June 2014 in Patna. She was also in possession of a few incriminating documents that establish without any doubt that she has been in contact with separatist elements in Baluchistan,” said General Sharif.
Within hours, all the usual follow-up activities took place. News of the development made front pages of all major newspapers in Pakistan. Pakistan’s foreign secretary summoned the Indian high commissioner in Islamabad and issued a démarche to convey its ‘protest and deep concern’ at RAW’s subversive activities in Pakistan. Nawaz Sharif put in a call to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon to wail about India’s atrocities. Congress leaders and Arvind Kejriwal declared that the NDA government has brought this upon itself and slammed PM Modi for his inconsistent policies vis-a-vis Pakistan.
All this has terrified Major Mir’s second wife, on whose frail shoulders the household’s cooking responsibilities now fall. Household staff reported that the harried woman was trembling when she brought Major Mir his supper on the following day. “I now live from meal to meal, wondering when I will get declared a RAW agent for overcooking a kebaab or under-garnishing a dish,” she confided to our source.
Major Mir, however, is completely unperturbed. “This is nothing. I will declare even my mother as a RAW agent if it means we can embarrass India,” he declared to his neighbour.