With the Indian rupee continuing to slip in currency markets, the RBI, in a desperate bid, has requested Pakistan’s notorious spy agency, ISI, to switch from printing fake Indian rupee notes to fake American dollars. The ISI, just like India’s central bank, also regulates domestic money supply by pushing fake currency amounting to over Rs.1,600 crore into the country every year and operates mints in Quetta, Peshawar, Rawalpindi, and Lahore for this purpose.
As soon as he took over as the 23rd governor of India’s central bank, Dr. Raghuram Rajan got over the hotline with his counterpart, ISI chief Genral Zaheerul Islam, and pressed upon him the need to switch to counterfeiting US dollars. RBI officials are hopeful that the ISI will work in tandem with the Indian central bank, given their similarities. “Just like the RBI, the ISI is also a statutorily established body that toes an independent line from its government,” disclosed an RBI official on condition of anonymity, “except that their core focus is terrorism while ours is keeping inflation in check. Moreover, they also frequently exceed their mandate to work in other areas such as fixing politicians and toppling regimes just as we are frequently asked to step in to support the rupee. So we are hopeful of hitting it off.”
The ISI also boasts of its counterpart to Dr. Raghuram Rajan in Chota Rajan, their point man in Mumbai. ISI’s Rajan enjoys an identical reputation in the world of narcotics, smuggling, extortion, pimping, and other bad-ass activities, as does the IIT-IIM-MIT trained Dr. Rajan in regulating the financial sector, predicting financial crises and other awesome interventions to manage the global economy.
The ISI chief confirmed that Dr. Rajan had called him up and that they had had a long and frank chat. “Dr. Rajan has a point,” General Zaheer ul-Islam told our correspondent over the phone. “Our boys operating out of India have also been pressurizing us to switch to alternate currencies since the rupee’s purchasing power is going down dramatically. I am told a kg of onions costs Rs.100 now!! And the UPA government has started some harebrained scheme called right to food which I believe may further pummel the rupee. These UPA chaps are crazy, man,” he observed, tone wrought in disbelief.
His deputy, Dawood Ibrahim, who operates the FICN (fake Indian currency network), said he will be more than happy to make the switch. He only has one request. “Please please please restrain Ekta Kapoor from making a follow on to Once Upon a Time in Mumbai Dobara based on my life. Watching that movie has severely dented my mental faculites,” dreaded D-company CEO told the The UnReal Times underworld correspondent, Chintu Shakeel.