(Image via youtube.com)
Hit by bans across the country, indignant outrage by long-standing customers and most importantly, the wrath of Arnab Goswami, Nestle Global has done what anyone trying to defend the indefensible does; turn to Sanjay Jha. The company has hired the Congress spokesperson as its official spokesperson until the crisis blows over.
“As it is we are in deep shit, on top of it our CEO came over and made a mess of things by blaming the testing agencies. We now need a miracle man to handle this disaster, and no one is more appropriate for this job than Sanjay,” said an official from Nestle on condition of anonymity.
According to sources, Jha has already swung into the act, and has held several meetings with Nestle’s top management, telling them that are barking up the wrong tree by accusing the testing laboratories when they should be blaming Modi instead.
“Sanjay is a true professional,” said a spokesperson for Nestle. “He has already spent several hours with our team getting acquainted with the facts of the case. He’s been particularly inquisitive about our operations in Gujarat in the year 2002. We’ve been cooperating with him and giving him everything he needs to defend us. He’s the man!”
The Congress party, normally very possessive about Jha, doesn’t seem to mind lending the suave dodger to Nestle for a few weeks. “Well, it’s not like we need him now,” shrugged Ahmed Patel. “We use Sanjay Jha like Team India used Rahul Dravid, or Chennai Super Kings used Subramanian Badrinath, i.e. when shit really hits the fan. Sanjay then comes in, takes the body blows and sees off the tough period. But these days, we are more into staying relevant as against defending allegations.”
However, it seems that things may turn a bit worse for Nestle before they start improving. Excited by the prospect of facing off against his old bugbear yet again, the nation’s cacophonous voice, Arnab Goswami, has decided to make the Maggi affair the subject of his Newshour episodes for the whole of next week. “The next one is going to be intense,” said Times Now’s political editor, Navika Kumar. “Arnab will cook Maggi live on Newshour, test for the lead content himself, and wave the results in front of those defending Maggi. Don’t miss it!”
(Based on an idea by Pankaj Vaidya)