Step aside Martian Matt Damon. Jupiterman Rahul Gandhi is here!
In yet another move designed to reshape Rahul Gandhi’s public image, the Nehru Gandhi scion will star in Bollywood’s answer to Ridley Scott’s The Martian, “The Jupiterman”. The movie will be produced by the Congress party, and directed by an yet to be identified A-list director.
Congress spokesperson Sanjay Jha, who now has the additional responsibility of tending to Rahul in his vanity van, gave us a glimpse of the storyline. “The movie celebrates the triumph of human ingenuinty over impossible odds, and who better to depict this than Rahul baba!” he gushed.
“The story goes like this: Rahul Gandhi leads a team of astronauts on humanity’s first ever visit to the planet Jupiter to conduct a series of experiments on solving the problems afflicting India’s downtrodden, especially its Dalits. The team of six astronauts land on Jupiter’s surface and begin their experiments. However, a day after they set up their Habitat, a disillusioned Rahul Gandhi announces that he needs to introspect and takes off in an unknown direction. While he’s gone, a storm hits the Habitat and the crew is forced to take off and return to earth, leaving Rahul Gandhi all alone on Jupiter.”
“How Rahul Gandhi faces insurmountable odds on Jupiter and manages to survive and return to earth, forms the rest of the story,” said Jha. “The climactic scene where Rahul figures out the escape velocity of Jupiter and manages to launch from Jupiter’s surface is awesome and will bring tears to the viewers’ eyes!”
Needless to say, the development has sent Congress leaders into a state of delirium, and they have already declared that The Jupiterman will be the highest grossing movie in the history of Bollywood. BJP, on the other hand, has scoffed at these claims, and declared that the movie won’t even make 44 crores. The media, meanwhile, has once again returned to that evergreen question: “Has Rahul Gandhi come of age?”